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"But make no mistake whatsoever: I am going to enjoy this. I am going to use you to sate my urges. I am going to derive immense pleasure from tormenting you, humiliating you, breaking you and yes, especially from mutilating your beautiful body."Somehow, though I assumed these things to be true before I ever even met the man, hearing them stated out loud breaks me once again. Tears run from my eyes and I am forced to look away, nodding despondently to indicate my understanding, too choked up to speak. To suspect that you are giving yourself up to monstrosity is one thing, but to know it and to be told it is another. Still feeling weak and shaky from my introduction to Grigorii a few minutes earlier, my mental state remains fragile. Even while I become more and more convinced that I will endure and survive these things he does to me, I also become more aware of what it will cost me. I have pledged to pay the price, whatever it is, yet I still shed tears for those parts of my humanity,. The Ponders End workshops and foundries have nurtured an ingenious a group of engineers. Their motivation is sometimes more in the fascination of their work than in their financial reward, which is an unfortunate trait that has led to a number of them falling by the wayside over the years, but their craftsmanship cannot be faulted. As is my usual practice when needing their services, I had taken a simple sketch of the device that I wished them to construct. We spent some time in discussion of the best materials to be used for each element; whether brass here or steel, whether mahogany there or oak, whether leather or rubber for this component. In the course of our debate the design changed subtly but by the conclusion of our discussions we had an agreement on the work to be carried out and, I was pleased to say, an expectation of a completed device before the end of the week. I was also, I must confess, delighted by the enthusiasm that all I spoke with felt for the project.Madame.
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